


Weight of the World

by GettingGreyer



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Guilt, Hero Complex, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 23:25:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17672123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GettingGreyer/pseuds/GettingGreyer
Summary: After a disastrous mission Glimmer ends up seriously injured and Adora blames herself for her inability to save her friend. She doesn't believe she can be She-Ra when she struggles to save everyone she loves if anything it seems she always ends up hurting the people she cares about.





	Weight of the World

Adora was a protector.

She was charged with the protection of the world for as long as she's known.

When she closes her eyes, she can still feel the soft fingers of Shadow Weaver gently caressing her face as she cooed over her.

“You have a great destiny, Adora.” She would say. “This world is filled with monsters—the Princesses who would stand against us—and you must slay them.”

Those words would define Adora for the rest of her life.

She was a hero.

She couldn't fail, and if she did people got hurt.

*

*

*

Her eyes were closed and her body was cold. If it weren’t for the soft heartbeat Adora would be certain Glimmer was dead.

Her face was battered and bruised, while a collection of cuts and wounds marred her body. The healer had promised them that the damage looked worse than it was—that all the injuries rested solely on the surface. But Glimmer was quiet and still.

Her body lay motionless and absent on the bed in the infirmary. She didn’t look at all like the girl who had tackled her to the ground and fought her for a sword when they first met. She wasn’t the lively and excitable Glimmer who swore up and down that she was ready for a real mission. And she wasn’t the kind and sincere friend who told Adora that everything would be okay. She was simply a phantom of all those things, a reminder of all of Adora’s mistakes.

Adora squeezed Glimmer’s hand, “I’m sorry.” Adora whispered the words, but it felt as if they were torn from her lungs like a shout, making her weak and pained.

Adora flinched at the sudden hand she felt on her back before quickly relaxing. She looked beside her and Bow stared back with his warm eyes, sullenly clouded, and a forced smile. “Glimmer will be fine. The healer said—”

“‘The injuries aren’t severe and she should fully recover within the week.’ Yeah, I know.” Bow recoiled at her words and Adora internally berated herself. He was only trying to be kind. “Sorry, Bow. I’m just …”

“Worried, I know. We all are.” As Bow spoke, Adora could hear the beginnings of loud and rapid footsteps colliding down the hallway outside.

The door burst open and Adora and Bow moved aside to make room for the new woman. “Glimmer!” Queen Angella’s voice cracked at the sight of her daughter. She walked over to the bed, her knees slightly buckling underneath her.

“What happened?” The queen didn’t look at either of them as she asked her question. She kneeled on the floor next to her daughter. Her eyes were trained on her as she caressed Glimmer’s face. It appeared as if she was trying to slowly and gently pry away and heal every bruise with only her touch.

“Glimmer—”

“It was my fault, Your Highness.” Adora interrupted. She turned her eyes to Bow, begging him to be silent as she spoke. “I gave her an order and … and it led to this.” The queen still hadn’t turned to look at them. “It was a simple and routine mission and I failed. I’m so sorry.”

The queen didn’t say anything. She simply continued to stroke her daughter’s cheek as the deathly silence continued to pervade the room. Adora felt crushed under the weight of it as her knees began to shake beneath her.

“Would you two leave? I’d like to spend some time alone with my daughter.” Her voice was calm and somehow that made it so much worse.

“Of course, Your Majesty.” Bow said, his hand grabbing Adora’s as he walked out of the room. Adora followed silently behind him.

As soon as the door shut behind them, Bow turned to Adora and said, “It isn’t your fault.”

“I’m the leader, Bow. I was the one in charge of the mission. I gave the order. It is my fault.” Adora knew he wouldn’t understand. Bow may have been raised amidst a war, but he wasn’t a soldier. He didn’t understand the nature of war.

He shook his head as Adora spoke and she was already preparing for his inevitable rebuttal. “No, it isn’t. Glimmer knew the dangers. We all do. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything.”

He was practically pleading, his voice desperate and shaken. Adora nodded to his words, even as her stomach churned and coiled in disagreement. This is what Bow needs to hear. “Okay,” Adora said, and the small smile that grew on his face nearly made up for the festering guilt inside of her.

Bow pulled Adora into a hug and Adora wrapped her arms tightly around him. Her eyes closed as she allowed the gentle warmth and affection to cleanse her. He pulled away and Adora wished he wouldn’t. “Remember,” he grabbed her shoulders. “Glimmer will be fine and it isn’t your fault.”

Adora nodded but the false words burned.

***

_Adora ran but she couldn’t escape the encapsulating darkness. Shadows ripped through the light, silencing all that was good and consuming the world into a pit of darkness. Adora ran, but she only ran further into the dark._

_“You must keep her under control.” A poisonous voice said as a mist of darkness reached out and grabbed Adora by her throat. Adora struggled, but the cloaked hand tightly squeezed as torturous screams of pain echoed in the distance. “It’s your responsibility.”_

_Flashes of red lightning shattered against the darkness, the bright light was blinding against the vivid black. Amid the scarlet light, a small girl appeared. She was screaming as the arcing red light ripped into her, consuming and penetrating her soul._

_“Stop it,” Adora screamed, but the word was silent next to the torturous screams. “Please,” she begged. “Stop hurting her.”_

_The shadows dropped her and Adora collapsed to the ground. She looked over to the girl and saw that the lightning had vanished while a small figure lay motionless on the ground._

_Adora ran over to the little girl, but she was no longer a child. Her long thick mane was matted with red blotches of blood and her stomach was covered in blood. “It’ll be okay, Catra!” Adora felt herself shout, refusing to believe that her best friend could die._

_“Adora,” Catra opened her eyes. “Why didn’t you save me?”_

_“I tried!” Adora pleaded as red blood flooded her white robes. “I swear I tried!”_

_“No,” Catra raised her hand and grabbed the blade that had pierced her. “You killed me.”_

_Clamped in Adora’s hand was the hilt of her sword, its blade pierced in the girl on the ground. “No, I—”_

_Catra melted into the darkness, her body disappearing into black smoke as her tired eyes closed one final time._

_All around her, every source of light shuttered into utter darkness, and Adora was left utterly alone in the void._

_“You failed to protect her. To protect anyone.” The voice returned, its venomous words curling into Adora’s heart._

_“It’s my fault.” A voice spoke and Adora recognized it as her own._

Adora snapped open her eyes and the nightmare shattered—screams echoed from the recesses of her mind. Her bed sheet was soaked with sweat as the damp sheets clung tightly to her burning skin. Her heart hammered against her chest and her eyes fled to every corner of the room, waiting and watching for anything out of place.

But a moment passed.

And then another.

And no monster jumped out from a corner and no more lively shadows slithered across the floor and Adora allowed herself to relax. Her hands released the sheet she had been gripping in her hand and her breath began to slow before finally receding into a normal rate.

Adora attempted to close her eyes and return to deep slumber—she knew that sleep was a necessary element to maintaining a healthy and vigilant mind—but every time her eyelids closed she found herself enveloped by the darkness. The shadows would hold her and they wouldn't let go as they weaved together a world of all too familiar nightmares.

She couldn't sleep, not when her mind was still haunted, not when Glimmer lay unconscious in a white room covered in bandages and bruises, and not when it was her fault.

Adora swung her legs out of the bed and pushed herself up. Her legs shouted in pain as her feet slammed into the floor. Her own injuries and strains from the battle still affected her.

Ignoring the dull pain—it was really no worse than any typically training injury from the Horde, Adora told herself—she walked from her room and wandered through the halls of Brightmoon.

The halls were desolate and quiet at night. She came across the occasional soldier walking rounds, but they barely registered her—too consumed in the silence of the night.

Without really meaning too, Adora ended up standing outside the door of the infirmary. The door was slightly cracked and all it would take is it to be pushed another inch more for Adora to peer inside. She wished she could raise her hand. To force herself to enter the room, but her arm remained limp at her side.

Glimmer would need her rest, Adora reasoned, it would be wrong to possibly disturb her. But Adora knew that her reservations had to do with far more selfish reasons.

She walked away, her body aching with guilt and her legs moved with heavy laden steps.

Behind her, Adora could hear the quiet creak of a door opening and closing. And then she heard a quiet but resolute voice.

“Adora,” Queen Angella called. “What are you doing up so late? Did you come to visit Glimmer?”

Adora turned around, her heart quaking quietly within her chest. “No, Your Majesty. I was just … out walking.”

The queen gave her a discerning expression. It was one that she often used to squeeze answers out of Glimmer and under the queen's gaze, Adora finally understood the effectiveness of the technique.

“I couldn't sleep,” Adora admitted, ready to be shouted at and berated for her weakness, but it never came.

Instead, Queen Angella beckoned with her hand and said, “Follow me.”

Adora couldn’t refuse a command from a superior officer and she forced her legs to move forward. The pair walked through the darkness in a committable but uncomfortable silence.

The walls of the hallway felt as if they were closing in on Adora, watching and judging her with the discerning gaze of the Queen.

“I'm sorry,” Adora said, finally breaking the hard silence. “I should have been able to protect Glimmer.”

“It's in the past.”

“No, but I—”

“Do you know what happened to my husband?”

Adora was startled by the sudden question. “Glimmer told me he was killed by the Horde.” Adora wondered who had been the one to do it, which commander—which former friend had given the killing blow. “I'm sorry.”

The pair finally stopped and laying on the wall before them was a mural. Queen Angella's eyes instantly found the familiar figure, absorbing the quiet features of a man long passed. “Being a leader often means making difficult choices. Sometimes you make the right ones. And sometimes you don't.” Her hand hovered over the face of the man in the mural, over her beloved Micah. “I am responsible for so many untold deaths. None, by my own hand, but all by the orders that fell confidently from my tongue. Micah, my husband, was one of them.”

He looked like Glimmer. Adora stared at the picture and she found herself tracing all of the familiar features that she recognized. They shared the same curved face and nose, which framed the resolute and confident gaze. The longer that Adora looked, the more of Glimmer that she saw.

“You made a choice yesterday. A choice that nearly led to my daughter being killed.” Queen Angella’s voice quaked over the words. “You're going to have to live with that choice for the rest of your life.”

Adora squirmed, “I'm so sor—”

“Stop apologizing!” she commanded, her voice seeming to thunder across the halls. “What I'm trying to tell you is that mistakes will be made. And you are going to have to live with them. Because this war isn't going to pause to let you mourn. Do you understand?”

“I … I think so,” Adora said. “I mean, Yes, Ma’am!”

“I think you'll make a fine leader, Adora.” The Queen sighed, a sad smile on her lips. “Better than me.”

***

It would be three days before Glimmer opened her eyes and another three before she could stand.

Adora knew that she was being selfish, but in all of that time, Adora had yet to visit Glimmer. She couldn't bear the possible accusing glare, or worse, the devoted kindness that Glimmer held for her.

Whenever Adora closed her eyes she saw the blood of everyone she had ever failed.

She failed Catra, who she was always meant to protect and watch over.

She failed Entrapta, who died in a brutal ball of fire, crippling ashes is likely all that remains of her.

And she failed Glimmer, by letting her get hurt. By failing to protect her. By not being able to save her.

At times Adora thinks that Light Hope was right all along. She couldn't be She-Ra, not when she was still so weak.

How could she protect Etheria if she couldn't even protect her friends.

She couldn't ….

Adora's fist clenched tightly, her nails digging painfully into her skin. _It's all your fault._ Adora began to pace rapidly around the room, her feet stomping angrily against the floor. _You failed! You let everyone down!_ The room seemed to vanish and all Adora could hear was that sinister voice, pulling her deeper into the shadows. _You're no hero! You're just a failure!_

Her foot slams against the wall, a loud crack reverberating throughout the room. Adora pulled her foot out of the crushed hole and stared agape at the damage.

She forced her body to painfully relax and began to breathe in deeply. Bow had taught her a couple breathing exercises for whenever she became too frustrated, but they rarely ever worked. Her mind went back to what the Queen had said.

She must take responsibility.

Her guilt gnawed painfully at her every time she thought about her. But she couldn't avoid Glimmer forever.

A good leader owns up to her mistakes.

Adora took a deep breath and left her room, beginning the long walk to the infirmary.

***

Her hand hovered painfully over the door, just like it had several nights before, but this time—she pushed open the door and walked with heavy steps into the room.

“Adora!” Glimmer looked well. She was sitting upright, her face only slightly bruised, and a smile was spread across her face. “I’ve missed you so much! Bow told me you were busy with some missions?”

Adora felt the guilt gnaw at her again. “Something like that.”

“You can tell me all about them!” Glimmer motioned for Adora to come closer and Adora reluctantly pulled up a chair beside the bed. “I’ve been locked up here all week and it’s so _boring_.”

Adora cracked a smile. “I’m afraid the missions weren’t particularly interesting. Just a routine check examining the borders of the Whispering Woods.”

“That’s so boring, too.” Glimmer groaned. “Well, I suppose it’s good to know that you’re not having any fun without me.”

Adora nodded along absently as Glimmer continued to speak. She talked about anything and everything that she could think of, mostly of how everything was boring. She was laughing and smiling, even teasing Adora, it was unnerving.

“Why are you being so nice?” Adora said suddenly and Glimmer went silent. “You should hate me.”

Glimmer’s eyes went wide. “Adora, why in Etheria would I hate you?”

“Because I messed up! And you got hurt because of me.” Adora shouted as she shot up from her seat. “I gave you the order and you got hurt.” _You nearly killed her …._

“I can make my own decisions, Adora. It isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is!” Why couldn’t they understand? The screaming grew louder in her mind and Adora felt herself being pulled back into the darkness. She squeezed her eyes shut, relenting. “I’m so sorry, Glimmer.” Adora’s face grew wet and her voice became shrill. “I failed you.”

A pair of arms enveloped themselves around Adora. “It’s not your fault. If anything, it’s mine.” Adora’s eyes snapped open, but before she could argue Glimmer continued. “I was the one that made the mistake. If I did exactly what you said without screwing up then none of this would happen.”

Adora shook her head, pulling herself out of Glimmer’s arms to look her in the eye. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not your fault the Horde hurt you, it’s theirs.”

“Exactly!” Glimmer smiled. “We both made mistakes, but at the end of the day, the reason I got hurt is because of the Horde. And the Horde is going to keep hurting people unless we fight them. You keep placing everything on your shoulders, Adora, but sometimes things are out of control.” Glimmer grabbed Adora’s hand into her own. “It’s not just you—it’s us. We’re in this together.”

The screams went silent and the shadows faded, and for the first time, Adora noticed the shimmer of brightness that surrounded Glimmer.

They were in this together, her and Glimmer and Bow and the rest of the princess alliance.

Adora was a protector, but she wasn’t alone.


End file.
